12 Rounds of Stupidity

13 Jun 2009

I consider myself pretty good at selecting good movies but after last night’s movie I realized I was taking it for granted and being foolish.

See, last night I went to purchase a movie from one of the hundreds of pirated DVD outfits in town and asked the guys there for suggestions as I didn’t see any instantly recognisable movies on the shelf. So the guy there, who I admit is pretty good at marketing his product, handed over a movie he said was just too good to be missed.

It starred a man who the shop dude really liked very much. I never heard of this actor before. Apparently John Cena is very famous and this movie titled “12 rounds” was the action flick of the year. Now that I think about it, the marketing guy’s next suggestion was a dead giveaway to his taste in movies. I should have known better. Tell you later what I mean.

Anyway, this “12 Rounds”, is by far the worst movie I’ve ever seen. John Cena’s pectorals do more acting than he himself ever could. In fact, his supporting cast did a far better job, doing so almost to the point that it felt like Mr. Cena was constantly stumbling into the set of another, far better movie starring the supporting cast. I think in a couple of scenes the supporting cast were even surprised to see Mr. Cena there at all. Mind you, when I say the supporting cast I do not include the most forgettable villain in all of movie-making historys. I’m serious!

The storyline is thinner than the air at the top of mount Everest and completely and utterly pointless. Everything about this storyline is pointless. So much so that I think it might have put a fair bit of my braincells into a state of permanent narcosis. You know how in good action movies involving the beat cop and the psychopathic criminal at least try to establish a relationship between the main characters and then it makes it possible for you to empathize with the cop (or the villain) and therefore the movie becomes a little less painful to watch? Well, this is the total opposite of that.

Throughout the movie you will keep asking a question repeatedly. And it has nothing to do with the plot. You’ll be asking, “Why am I watching this movie?”.

Well, good news is that I don’t know how the movie ended because the sheer stupidity of it all simply paralysed my nervous system and I fell asleep half-way through.

So, what was the dead giveaway from the guy at the shop? The next movie he recommended was something starring Dolf Lundgren. Go figure!

10 Responses to 12 Rounds of Stupidity

calassifyer@classicmovies.com

June 14th, 2009 at 2:07 am

i think this should goto random reflextions blog.

Faisal

June 14th, 2009 at 4:12 am

Ha ha, there is just one other dude who’s a better actor than John Cena, ever heard of the Rock. I recommend you watch his movies as well.

Hilath

June 14th, 2009 at 9:54 am

I guess you fell victim to what we call the “B movie” genre (not porn). David Carradine (who recently died of a freak sexual accident) starred in those kind of movies. Sam Raimi (before he did “Spider-Man”) did those kind of movies. What we call average “formulaic” films. Like Maldivian film industry and Bollywood, Hollywood also has its fair share of B movies! But some of them are really good, like Raimi’s “Bad Taste”and “Evil Dead”.

Now if you want to check out an A-class Hollywood big-budget project which somehow fell to the level of the worst kind of B movie is “Punisher: War Zone” and Frank Miller’s “The Spirit” which are recent movies and which I fell “victim” to. It’s like, you know, some producer wanted to make a great movie, poured so much money into the film, hired all these world-class technicians to do excellent cinematography and stuff, but for some unknown reason, handed over the entire project trusting a director like Amjay or Eupe and never checked back later, only to go to the preview screening and find to his horror of horrors that his project turned out into a “Razzie.” (Now shouldn’t a director first check the background of a director before handing him to do a movie?)

I do wonder why some producers are that stupid. I wonder whether what they sought was “unintentional comedy” like this! I mean, what kind of producer would pour all that money hoping to make an A-class project but appoint a B movie director, and in fact a bad director? Because there are many directors who are good at B movies (like Raimi) and good B movies are quite respected in Hollywood. In fact, Quentin Tarantino’s recent efforts include paying tribute to B movies by making films like the “Grindhouse” project.

Ahsan

June 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am

haha the same thing happened to me only difference was the movie was “The Marine” staring …well u get the point

penny

June 14th, 2009 at 11:08 am

aaah I see you met Mr. John Cena the new Rock in wrestling world. When a wrestling star acts in a movie you know to avoid it like plague…all except Rock whom I just like to stare at (ahem)

Ali Antenna

June 14th, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Far Cry should be next on your list of Must-Watch movies. And any other movie directed by Uwe Boll. If you think 12 Rounds was awesomely bad, just wait till you see what a real master of bad movies like Boll can do.

And Hilath, Bad Taste wasn’t directed by Raimi. That was Peter Jackson.

subcorpus

June 22nd, 2009 at 2:38 am

some movie makers expect you suspend your disbelief for around 2 hours …
i did watch 12 rounds a few nights back … it was a diehard wannabe kind … i didn’t really like the movie … but it did keep me in my seat (though not at the edge of it) till the credits started rollong …
i actually liked the movie ‘rundown’ … i think its one of the rock’s good movies …
my $0.02 …